I probably should have written about self-care months ago!!

Oh well...better late than never and as the pandemic persists self-care becomes even more important! In this email, I'm going to share a few of the small ways that I care for myself each day.

First... let’s talk about what self-care really is, because as a woman the thought of self-care (all too often) triggers...

...GUILT.

I know that I am not alone in this feeling. My favorite author and social science researcher, Brene Brown, tells a story in her book about feeling guilty for focusing on herself during a big project at work. When she shares this feeling with her husband, she realizes that he never feels guilty for focusing on work. Hmmm...

Another book that I am reading, "Burnout. The secret to unlocking the stress cycle", recently cued me into why I feel this guilt. Emily and Amelia Nagoski refer to the "Human Giver Syndrome", a common experience of women and how this syndrome is culturally enforced within our patriarchal society. The cultural “expectations” of womanhood tells us to always put others first and the result is GUILT when we even think about caring for self.

WHEW! Ok, so I am not alone in feeling this guilt AND there are some DEEP reasons for why I feel it.

Because of these deep cultural, societal, and generational expectations...this guilt is not overcome overnight. But one way to overcome this guilt and begin to care for yourself may be in small ways every day.

Overcoming the guilt of self-care may be THE most important step you can make towards pain relief.

Consider this...Do you have trouble consistently doing a pain-relief practice that you know will help? Maybe those exercises that you got from during Physical Therapy that you stopped doing even though they made you feel a little bit better?

I have heard this story TOO many times! So many times in fact, that stopping the exercises is probably MORE common that continuing them. So WHY?

The new insight about the "Human Giver Syndrome" makes me think that stopping something that you know is helping may just be...

...GUILT.

Deep-seeded, unconscious guilt could be the reason you don’t do something that you know will make you feel better. You don't care for your self because you have been "programmed" to believe that you should not put yourself first.

The guilt you experience when you think about self-care could be sabotaging you from healing your pain.

Again...you cannot overcome this guilt overnight. So let’s start small...

...with what you may already be doing but don't fully recognize as self-care.

What makes you feel good?

Look at your day and recognize... in what small moments do you experience JOY?

I will share a few of mine:

-Making and anticipating my hot drink in the morning (coffee or tea depending on my mood). This one is really important to me. I feel joy with a really tasty cup of warmth. I make sure that I have cream and honey and high quality coffee or tea. So not just any warm drink will do, but one that makes me feel good. And then I take time to sit and enjoy it.

-Preparing a healthy meal. The other day it was a crunchy salad that I was craving.

-A hot shower. Not the rushed one, but with just a little extra time to stretch

-Taking a moment to truly engage in conversation with my son or daughter.

-Eating a sweet treat...small and just enough to make me feel good without guilt.

But see how guilt can sneak in? Recognize it. Be fully aware of it. Be curious about why guilt sneaks in.

Now you share your small moments of joy. Comment below and let me know!

And if you don't mind, I will share some of the small ways you care for yourself in my next post.

Recognizing these self-care practices may just help someone else!